It has been a few since I have done a new blog post. The holiday's are always hectic and this being the first year without Michael, it was definitely a somber one. I thought Christmas would be easier than it actually was. It wasn't terrible, but I definitely felt like a part of me was missing. I missed buying him presents and seeing him happy. He was a depressed individual and anytime I could see him smile, I lit up myself.
I did get to spend time with his grandmother. My mom and I went out to her place for dinner. She thoroughly enjoyed the Christmas present. It was a locket. Inside the locket had a picture of Michael. On the outside, the locket read, "Merry Christmas From Heaven." It was a tearjerker for sure. I heard through the grapevine that she thought the world of that locket. I knew she would. I am so glad that I got to make her Christmas extra special this year under the circumstances.
Christmas Eve, I had somewhat of a melt down. I laid in bed crying while listening to my favorite tunes. Music has really helped me channel my emotions. After the cryfest, I felt very relieved and able to breathe a little bit easier. Since then, I haven't cried, but I almost did tonight.
Being New Years Eve, I am always up for a good party. However, I wasn't feeling it. This past weekend, I was sick and bedridden. Once I got to feeling better, I still wasn't up for people or a party. My niece and nephew came over while my brother and his wife went and hung out at our cousin's house. My niece and nephew are 3-1/2 year old twins and they make me happy. I knew by being around them, I wouldn't be so sad.
Unfortunately, even the twins couldn't fill the void of Michael not being here to ring in a new year. We all sat around the tv and watched the ball drop. When it struck midnight, I had a mixture of emotions. On one hand, I felt new and fresh. On the other, I felt a sense of sadness that Michael wasn't able to be here to see 2013. It is always sad to think about the ones you love not being here another year.
Earlier in the evening, I told myself since it was going to be a new year, I was going to delete his number from my phone and change my relationship status on Facebook. I was pretty sure and confident that I could do it. There isn't a rush, but I felt like it would give me a sense of a new beginning without him. Now that it is actually 2013, I am unable to do it. I know it will come with time.
It has only been six months that he has left this Earth. I talk about him daily and probably will continue to talk about him for quite sometime. He was a part of my life for 10 years and you just don't forget about someone you loved that long over night. Here is to a healthy, happy and fun year! May 2013 bring the best for everyone.
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