In my previous post "Tears and Cranberry Sauce," I reflected back on how Thanksgiving was a joyful holiday this season. Easily one of the best in my lifetime. I thought that would set the tone for the other holiday's, but I was mistaken.
I let my cousin and his fiance borrow my Christmas tree this year, since I have no use for it. They came over Sunday to retrieve the decorations. Going through them, I came across an ornament that literally put butterflies in my stomach. Michael had a 1971 Dodge Challenger that he restored. One year for Christmas he received a replica ornament of his car. It wasn't the exact same color or model, but it still brought that connection. I found the car ornament while rummaging through the decorations. It was a bittersweet moment to say the least.
That merry feeling that I was sure would bound over didn't. My disposition dropped. All those sad emotions surfaced. I then realized that Christmas would be tougher than I imagined. Michael loved Christmas. He would constantly keep the lights beaming on the tree and had a sentimental spot for Christmas tunes. Watching him glow was the only present I needed.
Michael was a depressed individual and Christmas shielded those emotions. Both of us could take pleasure in everything the season brought. However, this year I will be taking on the pleasure for both of us. He gets to celebrate Jesus' birth with Jesus' himself. How awesome is that? I just wish it wasn't so soon.
His last Christmas he donned a ugly festive turtleneck that was a hit with friends and family. This year he wanted to take a funny picture and send it out as a Christmas card. Instead, I am sending out cards with an in memorial note. Not to mention my Christmas buying list dwindled. I have always been more of a giver than receiver. I liked buying him gifts, especially the ones that he wouldn't purchase for himself. I knew it lifted his spirits to some degree and in return that made me very happy.
The sounds of the season are muffled and the candles don't shine as bright, but Christmas 2012 will be alright. I'll hang that car on my little desk tree and look at it thinking of he. Happy Holiday's and Merry Christmas. May 2013 bring blessings upon blessings.
If the holiday season has you down, think of the good times and memories. If that doesn't work seek out activities that take your mind away and provide a cheerful outlook. Friends and family can be an outlet to a rough holiday season. The comfort of them can help you stay strong and focus your thoughts on more grand possibilities.
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